What do you get from a pampered cow?
Spoiled milk.
How does NASA organize a party?
They planet.
Why are toilets always so good at poker?
They always get a flush.
Why is Peter Pan always flying?
Because he Neverlands.
(We love this joke because it never grows old.)
You heard the rumor going around about butter?
Never mind, I shouldn’t spread it.
Two windmills are standing on a wind farm.
One asks, ‘What’s your favorite kind of music?’
The other replies, ‘I’m a big metal fan.’
What does a house wear?
Address!
Why did the bullet end up losing his job?
He got fired.
What kind of shorts do clouds wear?
Thunderpants.
Do you want to hear a construction joke?
Sorry, I’m still working on it.
Why do ducks have feathers?
To cover their butt quacks!
What’s the difference between a hippo and a zippo?
One is really heavy and the other’s a little lighter.
What does a nosey pepper do?
It gets jalapeño business.
Why should you never trust stairs?
They’re always up to something.
When does a joke become a ‘dad’ joke?
When it becomes apparent.
How many tickles does it take to get an octopus to laugh?
Ten tickles.
Why aren’t koalas considered bears?
They don’t have the right koala-fications.
Did you hear about the cheese factory that exploded in France?
There was nothing left but de Brie.
What did the duck say when it bought some lipstick?
“Put it on my bill.”
George Clooney, Leonardo DiCaprio, and Matthew McConaughey get together to make a movie.
Clooney says, “I’ll direct.”
DiCaprio says, “I’ll act.”
McConaughey says, “I’ll write, I’ll write, I’ll write.”
Wishing you all a day full of happiness and laughter!